I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
