My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
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If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
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Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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