Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
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Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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