I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
