We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
