You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
