I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
