am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
