i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
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You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I think a kid would responsible me up
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
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i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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