i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
