I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
whose parrot is this?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
