marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
