I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.