he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
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what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
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Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.