So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old