So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
they're like a gay fantastic four
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?