Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything