I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
