the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
