He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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