hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
