I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
