You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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