I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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