He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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