I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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