i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
