quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
