My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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