I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
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