Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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