Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
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Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
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I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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