I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
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Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
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WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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