Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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