I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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