i don't like sucking hair
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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