That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
she smelled like a LAN party
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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