ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
