I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
