I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
