I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Alive.
So much puke
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
