Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
