So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
