Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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