Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
