Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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