I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Randomize
