i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
NoShamevember. You game?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Randomize
