i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
