i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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