They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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