Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
