Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
