I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Randomize
