If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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