also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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