In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
