dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
