TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
