Do you still have your period?
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
