if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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