Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
