Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
